Watching my niece and nephew grow up. Finding new fronds on my birds nest fern. Handwritten letters and cards from friends. When old friends meet new friends. Good tiramisu. Reading outside. Cooking something for someone seeing their reaction. When you start recognizing people in your neighborhood.

For as long as I can remember I’ve proudly called myself independent and held it as a badge of honor. What I thought was a reflection of my self-sufficiency is really just a reflection of how modern society villainizes dependence and fetishizes independence in ways that are unnatural and unhealthy. I’m drawn to the idea of community living and its role in our overall well-being. I’m hopeful for a solution to reconcile the two both in theory and practice by unromanticizing the former (independence) and destigmatizing the latter (community dependence).

My biggest fear when I moved back to New York in 2022 was that I wouldn’t be able to make new friends. I first moved to NY in 2014 I started fresh and then moved I to SF in 2019. The thought of starting over yet again felt exhausting and lonely. I decided to give myself one year and I leaned in, hard. I met people early on who I connected with and I went all in. This meant reaching out, making plans, and getting personal — fast and often.

Escalating the friendship means building a community that goes past just having dinner together every now and then and celebrating milestones. I want friends who will call me up and say “Whatcha doing, can I come over?” and we can be together spontaneously without needing a thing to do/

The other term I’m waiting to coin is “friendship onboarding” — please remember you heard it here first.

• What's a story from your childhood that gets retold again and again?

• What's something you've recently changed your mind about?

• What's one thing you do for yourself everyday?